Marriage...

My friend Jeremy once said something that got me thinking. He said "Neither of us knows what marriage is." Its an unfortunate truth but yes neither of us do know. Both of us have interesting family history and interesting lives at home but that's a different story. Anyway, I thought about this and considered his words. My parents do not have a conventional marriage as they don't seem like the portrayed TV old married couple (then again who really is?). See my father many years ago suffered a clot in his brain that almost killed him but through a miracle he turned out fine, the only thing being he has lost the use of the left side of his body. My mother has taken care of him these 26 years and let's just say it hasn't been easy. Through everything that has happened I would say I have seen one of the many sides of a difficult marriage. One thing is though that in my years as I got older a question probably the only one I've ever been truly afraid to ask has been floating in my head: "Mom do you love Dad?" I know its a strange question to consider because they've been married for 50 years and that she's taken are of him for so long but...I just have to wonder. I've never asked for fear of the answer. How would things change? Would they? I don't know and i don't think i want to. I think its the sort of general idea of how marriage is portrayed that makes me not understand what it really is and since i don't understand it I'm afraid of it. I see it as permanent dating that require maintenance every now and again. But I also know its something deeper than that and yet since i haven't experienced love then I don't know how deep it goes. I suppose I'll have to wait till i get there? My friends are getting married and I'm excited. To know someone so close to be able to see marriage first hand. I feel bad though because I feel I'm treating it as an experiment but its not that I just want to see what its like to love someone and be with them forever.