The invisible league....

So how many girls have ever been told that a guy liked them but wouldn't ask them out because the guy thought they were "out of their league"? Or how about how many of you guys have ever said she's way out your "league". Well I have a question. WHAT THE CRAP IS THIS LEAGUE?! Why do guys say this? I never understood it and heck I've even said this. I never knew why i did. I ask this from what a person I know (I cannot and will not call him a friend) said the other day. That his girlfriend was out of his league and that's why he had waited so long to ask her out (though he had three different girlfriends before which confused me). I then said no I do not (not anymore anyway) believe in leagues. If there is a girl you would like to date, regardless of who you are go ask her out. I can only think of the girls I liked that I never asked out because they were "out of my league". Personally now I see that any guy saying that is only afraid. Afraid of rejection and his own insecurities. He has already deemed himself unworthy of this girl and given up without trying. For all anyone knows she could have liked him and the chance slipped away. Ah yes leading to the wonder of unrequited love. You can blame fate or destiny whatever but really you're to blame. If a girl says no its no so you move on. Yes it sucks but when you get older you'll only say to yourself "Man if only I had asked her out what was I so afraid of?" I know it can see often harder than that but still we need to lose this concept of leagues since what is it really doing for us? Sure you may say she is so beautiful that she's out of your league but then what are you saying really? She's so beautiful she is unattainable? She is to be alone and only marveled at? Well guess what someone is going to come along and sweep her off her feet and what is left? An empty space where your once unattainable was. Funny thing is it wasn't some abercrombie and fitch guy or body builder but another guy an average Joe who had the gall and audacity to go and actually ask her, this goddess out. How dare he. He just did what you wouldn't. If he got rejected, he got rejected so what its not the end of the world. Why can't guys find another way of tellng women they are beautiful than saying they're out of their league? What is hard by saying and honestly meaning just looking her in the eyes and telling her how beautiful she is? Get rid of the leagues and everything and stick witht he truth. Grow a pair men and get out there and admit your feelings. If you get rejected sulk a little get up dust yourself off and decide where you want to go from there. Your choice guys.

Robeert Frost...

I have to say I like Robert Frost. Not only because of the fact we share the same first name but also that he writes very good poetry. It amazes me. My favorite is the last one Stopping in the woods. Wonderful.

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there's some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

School...

School is starting off well enough. Seems like my New testament class and Greek will be keeping me on my toes quite a bit (joy) and my math class is easy as long as I pay attention so there's a plus. I still need to add a world civilization class so that'll be fun too since its a 3 hour class. But I feel happy that I can now see my friends again but it sucks since I commute. So my time with them isn't as extensive. I'll just have to get used to it but I do miss spending time with them. I'm really excited that I'm back since i can walk on my beautiful campus woo!

A new day is beginning...

For now tomorrow I start my new semester! I can't wait until I do! I'm excited its the new semester already and I get to see my friends again on an almost regular basis. Its time to see where this semester and the rest of this year goes. I'm excited to find out.

May we meet in dreams...

When the cold of winter comes
Starless night will cover day
In the veiling of the sun
We will walk in bitter rain

But in dreams
I can hear your name
And in dreams
We will meet again

When the seas and mountains fall
And we come, to end of days
In the dark I hear a call
Calling me there,
I will go there
And back again

In Dreams ~Edward Ross

And its always because...

We mean well.

Do you know what I miss?

The good old days. When you were in junior high and hopelessly in love with that person and you'd see them everyday at school and just enjoy their company. Walk together down the halls, shyly steal glances at each other, and subtly letting your hands grace each others or your fingers. I remember when I was younger like that. But time changed. My girlfriend my Junior year in high school was the last one who I actually carried a relationship where we saw each other everyday and got to hang out together. After that it was moderate to extreme long distance in my relationships. One living in 29 Palms while I lived (at the time due to college) in la Mirada. Well crap. That was a bust. Next lived in Montebello but we got to see each other frequently. I won't go into detail about that but if you read my "I hate you post" Then you'll get a feeling how I feel about her. Last was my recent one a few months back. She lived in Los Alamitos. I miss having a relationship where I could see my girlfriend everyday. It sucks. I wish I could go back and make the most of that time. The younger years where summers days were special in that wonderful way. Where you BARELY had any drama. I can still see myself sitting in my classes 6-8th grade and the years before that and the years after that. It goes by fast people. So enjoy it while it lasts. Do it wisely though. I'm not condoning absolute mayhem, carnage, and sinning here.

A letter to love...

Dear Love,
What the crap is up with you? You're probably the most confusing thing I have ever encountered and just as elusive. Not only to me but to many others as well. Why is this? Why do you evade us? Why are you so hard to understand? If you're so great why do we get you confused with your family member lust so easily? Shouldn't you be stopping such an impostor? I mean lust is soiling your good name! You should do something about that! But you don't. You only reveal yourself to certain people. Why is that? Then when they fal in love, when trouble comes you pack your bags and split. How is that supposed to make me feel? I hear the screaming, the anger, and pain. Lust rears its ugly head time and time again and hurts those hwo are in love. I just don;t understand. Won't you make me understand? Not me, no. All of us? Won't you?

Sincerely, A Hopeless Romantic.

"A HOPELESS ROMANTIC ALWAYS DREAMS OF LOVE BUT NEVER TRULY FINDS IT."-mlo

A good bye to summer...

Ah yes summer. That wonderful time in people's lives filled with bands and concerts, beach trips, road trips, wild parties and just hanging with friends. I went into summer with this mentality, that everything would be fine. But life doesn't work like that. Summer is not separate from life. Unfortunately. Because, this summer, life hit hard. I have to say this is probably the worse summer I have ever had. I was sick with an infection, had plenty of drama happen with friends, hurt another friend, went crazy multiple times,family troubles, just the usual. It sucks. Big time. So it just made me realize something. Summer is going to be different. It always has been but now its just more noticeable. That everything is changing. Really it started last summer. That was for the longest time the worst summer of my life with the utter disintegration of my relationship with my girlfriend. But now, seeing how many things happened now its just...just...ugh. Horrible for lack of a better word. Life can't be ignored and I cannot live in this little bubble anymore where life is good. Where summer means freedom with no responsibility because there will be always responsibility. I suppose this has just been a wake up call to life and the world. because it never works out the way we wanted it to or expected it to. But like I have mentioned my good friend Frank Sinatra saying: "That's Life". Yes Frank that's life and I say: "Unfortunately"

My own worse enemy pt 3...

This will be probably the final one in the "My worst enemy" writings. I've looked at my previous posts and come to a conclusion that I didn't see from the beginning. My own worse enemy is me. Me, myself and I. All of us. The person who sabotages our lives, our relationships, friendship and just generally every piece of this crappy life is ourselves. Its caused by our swaying emotions, indecisiveness, and just plain refusal to cooperate. Sure other people are involved in the mix and there's reason for everything but seriously how often have we completely screwed something up and look back and "gee I wish i wasn't a complete and total moron" Ever happened to you? Yeah. Its just..ugh. Being human and making mistakes and doing stupid things suck. But and unfortunately it happens. And no matter how hard you try things won't ever be the same. Cause you messed up. But that's how it works. We're one big Roman Empire. Destroying ourselves from the inside out. But we're humans. Its what we do. And it sucks. But that doesn't mean its all bad or its the end. No it means things will just be different and you have to adapt to that. Sometimes we can pick up the pieces and carry on forward and sometimes you can repair what has been broken and can go back just a little bit wiser. And yes sometimes it won't be the same and it'll be different but I live with this in mind: there has to be a reason and though we will always have those "Why's", "what if's" and all the "But wait a minute's" there is a lesson learned God teaches us. Its up to us to decide what it is. So to everyone who has to I wish you good luck and Godspeed.

"Pay my respects to grace and virtue,
Send my condolences to good.
Give my regards to soul and romance,
They always did the best they could.
And so long to devotion,
You taught me everything I know.
Wave goodbye, Wish me well."
-Human, by the Killers

That about sums it up

Love is something far more than desire for sexual intercourse; it is the principal means of escape from the loneliness which afflicts most men and women throughout the greater part of their lives.
* Bertrand Russell

I hate you...

I hate the way you smile
I hate the way you look at me
I hate your eyes
I hate your lips
I hate the memories
I hate your hugs
I hate your laughs
I hate that you can make me laugh
I hate that you make me smile
I hate the songs that remind me of you
I hate what you did
I hate what you're doing
I hate who you are now
I hate it was you
I hate that you broke me
I hate my my own hate for you
I hate my feelings for you
I hate that i want you
I hate your cuteness
I hate that you made me this way and i hate that I may never be right.
Most of all...I hate that I loved you.

Because you CERtAinly didn't care.

42

The answer to life, the universe...everything. Also a very epic Coldplay son. Well this one will address only life instead of Coldplay (sad I know right?). Well here we go. Life...sucks. The plans we have, the dreams we want fulfilled, the hopes all can and will often enough come crashing down. Its not fair. Then again I think the only reason we find Life to not be fair is because we have presuppositions on how its supposed to be like. These stem from the way its portrayed in movies, books, and just general stories. These build up and we start imagining the way we want our life. We move on from wanting superpowers and to fly or fight crime like Superman or Batman to imagining how we'll be succesful or how happily in love we'll be when we find out princess/knight in shinning armor. But then that horrible things hits. Reality. They seem to go hand in hand reality and life. We understand its not like the way it is in stories. Because the young, old, loved, and undeserving wll die. The hero will save the world and die wishing he wasn't the hero he was while the bad guy gets to live his life out. We don't always get the girl/guy we want and those who were supposed to love you betray you. Frank Sinatra says it "That's Life" and I say Frank "yes Frank that's life. Unfortunately." But we are doomed or blessed (depending on your outlook) to live it. And all these things, the happiness, the sadness, anger and joy are all apart of it. Life isn't always what we make it because we aren't in control. Our plans will never always go well. We have to take it all because if we ignore them and try and live life without all these things then what? Aren't we just lying to ourselves? Believe me I hat ethis life. I try and do my best, to be a good person. Then what awaits me? My death. An end to this twisted story of life. Isn't it grand? The best way to end such a twisted comedy. Psh Shaespeare only wishes he could have written such a twisted story. Yet here it is. Do you know how I want to die? I want o slowly bleed to death. Just so I could lie there as i slip away so I can laugh, cry and be myself one last time. Remember my life as it flashes before me. Discover the true meaning of life as I slip away and smile and the cruel irony before I meet my maker for the finale and beginning. Twisted right? Well that's life. Its unfair, cruel, and can be weird and twisted. But its all we got. If I were happy all the time would I be really happy? No. I think I'd break down and ask for osme grief just so I could remember what happiness feels like when I come back to it. We need a fresh dose or we'd lose the sense of feeling happy, grateful, or having fun. But hey I'm just a guy going through life. Aren't we all. When we die we'll forget about this life anyway. In heaven why would you worry about your old life in perfection? Life sucks, I know. But I don't live for this life butthe next. I admit I'd like to have an easy going life but after a while I think I'd like some type of adventure, trial or osmething before I get bored. But heythat's me and THAT"S LIFE.

Don't take life to seriously
No one gets out alive all we can hope for is
when all is said and done more is done than said

Becoming who we are...

Recently I've been thinking a lot about the old days. My friends I had in elementary school, relationship in Jr. high and the people I met in high school. The come to me in flashes, waves, in sparks. I remember who I used to be, what shaped me to become who I am now and who i am becoming for the future. I remember the people I left behind. I miss them. But now, it seems, everyone is going their own way. Shaping themselves to become the people they will become. Sometimes its good and sometimes its not. It seems there are those who I am drifting away from for one reason or another. A friend, a man I respected now involves himself in things that I never would and I have to wonder: Am I going to have to let him go? I have had to let people go before and it wasn't what I wanted but something I knew I had to do. Such things rarely are what we want. I have a confession to make. I feel as though I won't see many of my friends again someday. Life is happening. The friends I have now, in college and the people I make an effort to be with are the ones I see in my future. I say this because so many are becoming people who might eventually see me as a "downer" in some cases. For instance some of my friends like to go out and party and I've never really been to a party so I have no clue what to do. That wasn't me in high school and i don't think that's me now. To be honest we've all changed I know that. And I think from us all gaining new friends we have just changed from who we once were. We've grown up and changed from who we were those now 2 years ago. Some could say for the better some could say for the worse. It depends on how you believe you've changed.


here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are
-Green Day "Wake me up when September ends"

Marriage...

My friend Jeremy once said something that got me thinking. He said "Neither of us knows what marriage is." Its an unfortunate truth but yes neither of us do know. Both of us have interesting family history and interesting lives at home but that's a different story. Anyway, I thought about this and considered his words. My parents do not have a conventional marriage as they don't seem like the portrayed TV old married couple (then again who really is?). See my father many years ago suffered a clot in his brain that almost killed him but through a miracle he turned out fine, the only thing being he has lost the use of the left side of his body. My mother has taken care of him these 26 years and let's just say it hasn't been easy. Through everything that has happened I would say I have seen one of the many sides of a difficult marriage. One thing is though that in my years as I got older a question probably the only one I've ever been truly afraid to ask has been floating in my head: "Mom do you love Dad?" I know its a strange question to consider because they've been married for 50 years and that she's taken are of him for so long but...I just have to wonder. I've never asked for fear of the answer. How would things change? Would they? I don't know and i don't think i want to. I think its the sort of general idea of how marriage is portrayed that makes me not understand what it really is and since i don't understand it I'm afraid of it. I see it as permanent dating that require maintenance every now and again. But I also know its something deeper than that and yet since i haven't experienced love then I don't know how deep it goes. I suppose I'll have to wait till i get there? My friends are getting married and I'm excited. To know someone so close to be able to see marriage first hand. I feel bad though because I feel I'm treating it as an experiment but its not that I just want to see what its like to love someone and be with them forever.

My own worse enemy part 2...

I continue now with an enemy of my own that I mentioned in a previous post. My heart. Now that is I'm relating emotions to the heart even though really where do emotions come from? Anyway, yes the heart. The silly little thing that once the fluttering and butteries in the tummy start it goes right slong for the downfall. That little thing can make even the most logical person tear at their hair in frustration. The heart, the object that we can't control. How often do we hold feeling for osmeone we shouldn't? A person who tears us down, uses us, and can charm and hurt us like no other. Our brain will scream out "No, no, no! This isn't right and you know it!" How strange that we know things are wrong or right and yet due to some emotion such as fear or our attachment to someone we will do those things that just, well for the lack of a better word make us look stupid. Then we say to ourselves "Well I'll never do that again! I'll be a different person next time!" What happens when next time comes around? Fail. Exactly. Because our logic and emotions at least to me, are constantly battling. One wants one thing and one wants another and rarely they agree on anything. The heart may say to go on ahead this feeling you have is okay and its good while the brain is sening red flags trying to keep you from making an idiot out of yourself. We've all experienced it. Probably more than once. Hell, I've had feeling for a person for the past two years and if you knew how this person treated me you'd have to ask "What the heck is wrong with you? You actually let someone treat you like that?" Well yes I do. I'm not saying I like the way they make me feel then but when they act like they enjoy my company and everything then I'm happy but my brain is constantly telling me "Yes but that's not going to last just you wait." Of ocurse my brain is right. but why then do I keep making an idiot out of myself? Because my emotions sway our opinions and out way of thinking. Sympathy, fear, love. They blind our decision making. I'm not downining emotions or anything but I'm saying our hearts can be our best friend and our worst enemy or at least just one. That is to say that its not always the hearts fault. There's the brain as well, he dislikes us too but whatever. Sometimes they're bitter nemies, sometimes they're best friends and sometimes they're the most evil overwhelming power youve ever seen. But that's just life.