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Someone once said that "Death is beautiful" or "there is beauty in death". To be honest I don't remember because I snorted at the comment due to its comparison of polar opposites. I knew it wasn't not because of my own experience but from a close friend and I've seen what death does and there's no beauty in it. Now I too know that. My Grandmother, Leona Mckiness, age 92, died at 12:59 in the morning today. When I heard the news it didn't really affect me as I thought it would. But as this day went I have slowly awakened to these feelings inside. I think about visiting my grandparents in Riverside and then I have to remind myself "No. Its just Grandpa now". I think of how today my mother went and bought the clothes she would be burying her own mother in and again it hit me. My mother was buying clothes for my grandmother who is dead. She's gone and just can't wrap my self around it. Its as if there is a void that cannot be filled and I think of those who have lost other loved ones and how many they have lost and I just can't imagine it. I thought I knew what death was. I mean your heart stops, your brain and other organs stop and your spirit is free to go to be judged. But even though I had that mentality it just didn't prepare me. I think of when I'll see her for holidays and still I have to remind myself. I think back when, about a month ago my father had a heart attack and just walking into his room thinking "I wonder what Dad is watching today?" or "I wonder what he'll say this time when he See's me?" But he wasn't there. I feel as if part of me is gone. She went to heaven and took those memories with her. The gentleness she had. Like they you don't know what you have until you don't have it anymore. Its strange really thinking of going to a funeral. I know that its only a body, a shell, but its the shell that housed who the person was that I spent my life getting to know. I'm of ocurse emotionally attached! It weird. This is the second person I know who has died that I have been close too. Another a friend who had been fighting cancer for years. Died when he was 19. I couldn't believe he had actually died and now my grandmother. Such a strange gap and a strange feeling.